The Truth Behind Wedding Traditions
Have you ever stopped to think about the wedding traditions we just accept without question? Some of these customs have been passed down for centuries, and skipping them might just get you a few raised eyebrows (or gasps!) from your guests. But let’s be real: how relevant are these traditions in today’s world? Let’s dive in and explore some of the most surprising (and sometimes wild) wedding traditions out there.
Quick reminder: People will always have opinions—whether you ask for them or not. So remember, it’s your day! Embrace what you love and ditch what doesn’t vibe with you. It’s the best way to keep that wedding stress at bay.
1. The Origin of Marriage
Ancient Times
Early Societies: The concept of marriage likely began with the need for social organization, protection, and the establishment of kinship ties. Early ceremonies may have involved simple agreements or rituals to signify a couple’s commitment.
Mesopotamia: The earliest recorded weddings date back to ancient Mesopotamia (around 4,000 years ago), where marriage was often seen as a contract between families rather than a romantic union.
Ancient Egypt: In ancient Egypt, marriage was a private affair without formal ceremonies, though some rituals were conducted to bless the union. The concept of love and partnership began to take shape, and marriage became more recognized socially.
Ancient Rome and Greece
Roman Traditions: In ancient Rome, weddings included various rituals, such as the "confarreatio," a formal ceremony involving the sharing of a cake made of spelt. The Romans emphasized the legal aspects of marriage, often requiring a public declaration.
Greek Customs: In ancient Greece, marriages were typically arranged, and ceremonies included offerings to the gods. The bride was often veiled, and the procession to the groom's home was a significant part of the celebration.
Middle Ages
During the Middle Ages in Europe, the Christian church began to play a central role in marriage. Weddings became formalized through religious rites, emphasizing vows and the sanctity of the union in the eyes of God.
Modern Era
Over time, wedding ceremonies evolved to reflect societal changes, romantic love, and individual choice. Today, ceremonies vary greatly across cultures, often blending traditions with personal touches, making each wedding unique.
Alternative: Consider a non-traditional commitment ceremony that reflects your values and relationship style, emphasizing partnership over historical norms.
2. Wedding Veil
Today, wedding veils are worn for various reasons. Many brides choose to wear them for their aesthetic appeal, as they add a touch of tradition and elegance to the bridal look. The meanings behind the veil can vary greatly, with some brides embracing its symbolism while others view it as a beautiful accessory.
Origin: Ancient Traditions
Ancient Rome: In ancient Rome, the bride wore a veil called the "flammeum," which was a flame-colored cloth. This veil symbolized the bride's transition into marriage and was thought to protect her from evil spirits.
Ancient Greece: Greek brides also wore veils as part of their wedding attire, often adorned with flowers. The veil was used to shield the bride from the eyes of onlookers, preserving her modesty.
Medieval Europe
In the Middle Ages, the wedding veil became more prominent in European weddings. It was often worn to symbolize modesty and virtue, aligning with the Christian values of the time. The veil also served as a way to conceal the bride's identity until the wedding vows were exchanged, reinforcing the idea of marriage as a commitment rather than a mere social contract.
Symbolism
Protection from Evil Spirits: The veil was believed to shield the bride from malevolent forces, reflecting a common theme in many cultures where protective garments were worn during significant life events.
Purity and Modesty: The veil became associated with the ideas of purity and chastity, often representing the bride's transition into her new role as a wife. This symbolism persists in many modern ceremonies.
Connection to the Groom: The unveiling of the bride at the altar is a moment of significance, often interpreted as a symbol of the groom's acceptance of his bride and the beginning of their life together.
Alternative:
No Veil: Many modern brides opt for no veil, choosing instead to wear floral crowns, hairpieces, or other accessories that reflect their personal style.
Short Veils: A shorter veil, such as a birdcage veil, can offer a vintage look without the traditional length, providing a modern twist on the classic veil.
Custom Pieces: Brides might choose personalized headpieces that carry their unique meaning or family heirlooms, creating a meaningful connection to their wedding day.
3. Cans Tied to the Bumper
Origin:
French Charivari: The practice of tying cans to the wedding car is believed to have evolved from the French custom known as "charivari." This tradition involved neighbors celebrating a wedding by making loud noises with pots, pans, and other instruments, often at night before the wedding. The cacophony was intended to scare away evil spirits and bring good fortune to the couple.
Rural Celebrations: In rural communities, the charivari also served as a way to involve the community in the couple’s celebration, symbolizing their shared joy and support. As the tradition traveled, it adapted to different cultures, eventually morphing into the custom of tying cans to the wedding car bumper.
Symbol of Celebration: The noise created by the cans as the couple drove away serves as a joyful announcement of their new union, reminiscent of the loud celebrations of the past. It’s a way to express happiness and invite others to share in the couple's joy.
Alternative:
Bubbles: Instead of cans, couples may opt for guests to blow bubbles as they leave the ceremony, creating a whimsical and beautiful effect while symbolizing new beginnings.
Confetti or Petals: Throwing biodegradable confetti or flower petals is another festive option that can add color and joy to the couple's exit, aligning with the celebration of love.
Sparklers: Sparklers provide a stunning visual element and can be used as guests line up to create a sparkling pathway for the couple to walk through as they exit.
Personalized Signs: Some couples prefer to use signs or banners tied to the car that carry messages of love or humor, making their exit uniquely theirs.
Decorative Ribbons or Streamers: Tying colorful ribbons or streamers to the car can achieve a similar festive look without the noise of cans, allowing for a more tailored approach to their celebration.
4. Wedding Cake
Origin:
Ancient Roman Roots: The tradition of the wedding cake can be traced back to ancient Rome. During weddings, guests would bring wheat cakes, which were broken over the bride’s head to symbolize fertility and prosperity. The remnants would be gathered and eaten by the couple, symbolizing the sharing of good fortune.
Medieval England: In medieval England, the wedding cake evolved into a stacked cake. Guests would bring small cakes to the wedding, and they were piled up. The bride and groom would try to kiss over the stack without knocking it over, a feat believed to predict their good fortune in marriage.
The White Cake: The modern concept of a wedding cake, often white and elaborately decorated, became popular in the 19th century, particularly during Queen Victoria’s wedding to Prince Albert in 1840. The cake was made from rich ingredients and decorated with white icing, symbolizing purity and wealth.
Layered Cakes: The tradition of multiple tiers symbolizes the couple's journey through life, with each layer representing different stages of their relationship. The top tier is often saved for the couple’s first anniversary or for the christening of their first child.
Alternative: As wedding cakes have evolved, couples often seek to personalize them to reflect their tastes, cultures, and styles.
Cupcake Towers: Instead of a traditional wedding cake, couples can opt for a tower of cupcakes. This offers variety for guests and can be decorated to match the wedding theme.
Cheese Cakes: For those who prefer savory over sweet, a tiered cheese cake made of various cheeses can serve as a unique centerpiece, appealing to cheese lovers and adding an elegant touch.
Donut Walls: A fun and interactive alternative, donut walls allow guests to choose from a variety of flavors, creating a festive and casual atmosphere.
Macaron Stacks: Colorful stacks of macarons can serve as a sophisticated alternative to traditional cakes, offering a delicate and visually appealing option.
Pies or Tarts: A selection of pies or tarts can reflect seasonal flavors and regional favorites, providing a homey and comforting touch to the celebration.
Groom’s Cake: Some couples choose to include a groom's cake, which can be themed to reflect the groom's interests, adding a personal touch to the dessert table.
5. Tie the Knot
Origin: Handfasting originated as a non-religious ceremony among the Celts and Pagans, later making its way into Christian traditions in England. During this transition, the ceremony began to evolve.
Historians suggest that handfasting ceremonies became formal legal agreements in England between the 12th and 17th centuries. Typically held about a month prior to the wedding, these initial handfasting ceremonies served as an official declaration of engagement.
Once the handfasting was completed, betrothed couples were legally considered bound to one another, even before the wedding took place. In fact, these early handfasting agreements were so binding that they could only be annulled by death.
In Scotland, non-legally binding handfasting practices started to emerge around the same period, developing their own unique traditions between the 16th and 17th centuries. These customs remained distinct until the early 1700s, when Scotland was annexed by England.
However, British law evolved, and by the mid-1700s, handfasting ceremonies ceased to be recognized as legal marriages in Great Britain.
Alternative:
Handfasting Ceremony: Couples can choose to include a handfasting ritual in their wedding ceremony. This can involve using ribbons, cords, or even personal items that hold significance to the couple. The officiant ties the couple's hands together while reciting vows or blessings.
Unity Ceremonies: Similar to handfasting, unity ceremonies can involve combining elements like sand, candles, or even painting a canvas together. Each of these acts symbolizes the blending of lives and commitment.
Custom Knots: Couples might choose to create their own symbolic knots using materials that reflect their personalities or shared interests, such as nautical knots for sailing enthusiasts or decorative cords for a more artistic touch.
Personal Vows: Instead of a physical act, couples can write and exchange vows that emphasize their commitment to one another, reinforcing the metaphor of "tying the knot" through words and promises.
6. Wedding Ring
Origin: The concept of the wedding ring is believed to have originated in ancient Egypt around 3,000 BC. Egyptians used rings made of braided reeds or hemp, symbolizing eternal love and commitment. The circular shape of the ring, with no beginning or end, represented eternity, making it an appropriate symbol for marital vows.
The Romans later adopted the practice, refining it with more durable materials. They began using iron rings to symbolize strength and durability. Over time, gold became the metal of choice due to its permanence and beauty. Roman brides often wore rings on their left hand, which they believed had a direct connection to the heart, further emphasizing the ring's significance as a symbol of love.
During the medieval period, the use of rings became more formalized in wedding ceremonies. Couples would exchange rings as part of their vows, solidifying their commitment to each other. The tradition continued to evolve, with decorative designs becoming popular, including gemstones and engravings, which added personal significance to the rings.
The Renaissance era brought about a resurgence in the use of ornate rings. The introduction of diamond engagement rings is credited to Archduke Maximilian of Austria, who proposed to Mary of Burgundy in 1477 with a diamond ring, setting a trend that would spread throughout Europe.
Today, wedding rings are universally recognized symbols of love and commitment. They often feature precious metals like gold, platinum, or silver, and can be personalized with engravings or gemstones. In many cultures, the engagement ring and wedding band are distinct but complementary pieces, representing different stages of the relationship.
Alternative:
Tattoo Rings: Some couples choose to get matching tattoos as a symbol of their commitment.
Non-Traditional Materials: Rings made from wood, silicone, or alternative metals can reflect personal style or lifestyle choices.
Stackable Bands: Instead of a single band, couples might opt for multiple rings that can be stacked to symbolize their union.
Custom Designs: Many couples now prefer custom-designed rings that reflect their unique love story or incorporate meaningful elements.
7. Flower Girl
The tradition of the flower girl dates back to ancient Roman and Egyptian cultures, where young girls would play a role in weddings by carrying flowers or herbs to symbolize prosperity, fertility, and the hope for a fruitful marriage. Flowers, in these early cultures, were also believed to have protective properties, warding off evil spirits and ensuring a happy, harmonious union.
By the time we reach the medieval era, the idea of a flower girl became more prominent. In European weddings, it was common for young girls to scatter flower petals along the path of the bride, symbolizing the start of a new life and a fertile union. The flowers were meant to ensure the couple’s future happiness, and the act of scattering them was a sign of blessing and good fortune.
The flower girl became more widely recognized in modern weddings around the Victorian period, when weddings began to adopt more structured traditions. The flower girl’s role was to symbolize youth and innocence, and her presence on the aisle helped to underscore the couple’s new beginning. Alternative: Instead of flowers, your flower girl could carry a whimsical item that reflects your personality, such as a small sign, a lantern, or a small basket of colorful stones.
8. Bridesmaids & Groomsmen
Origin: The tradition of bridesmaids and groomsmen dates back to ancient Rome and even earlier, with the role serving both a practical and symbolic function.
In fact, the term "bridesmaid" as we know it today comes from a time when bridesmaids were part of an essential protective role.
Ancient Rome: In ancient times, bridesmaids were meant to protect the bride from evil spirits, bad luck, and jealous suitors. They would often dress in similar attire to the bride, making it difficult for any unwanted spirits or people to target the bride specifically. The idea was to ensure that the bride’s safety and happiness were maintained as she transitioned into marriage.
Victorian Era: By the Victorian era, the role of bridesmaids and gromsmen became more centered around helping the couple with their wedding preparations, while also providing support on the day of the wedding itself.
Modern Times: Today, the role of the bridesmaids and gromsmen has evolved into one of support and celebration. They are often close friends or family members of the couple, and their role includes everything from organizing pre-wedding events like the bachelorette party to assisting on the day of the wedding.
The shift toward gender-inclusive language in weddings has gained significant traction in recent years as couples strive to create a more inclusive and diverse celebration of love. By moving away from traditional gendered terms like bridesmaids and groomsmen, couples can create a more welcoming and personalized wedding experience that reflects the values of equality and respect for all identities. Here’s how you can transform these traditional terms into more inclusive alternatives:
Wedding Party Members
Attendants or Honor Attendants
Best People / Best Persons
Guests of Honor
Wedding Leaders
Key Supporters
In addition to rethinking the terms for your wedding party members, you can also consider gender-neutral alternatives for specific roles within the wedding:
Maid of Honor/Matron of Honor → Honor Attendant or Lead Attendant
Best Man → Best Person or Best Supporter
Flower Girl → Petal Pusher
Father of the Bride/Father of the Groom → Parent of the Couple
Weddings are about celebrating love and equality, and using gender-inclusive language shows respect for people of all identities, including those who are non-binary, genderqueer, or trans. It allows everyone to participate in the celebration without feeling excluded or misrepresented. By using inclusive terminology, you are embracing modern values of respect, inclusivity, and equality.
9. Rice Shower
Throwing rice symbolizes fertility and prosperity. Though traditional, this practice is declining due to concerns about birds eating rice.
The practice of throwing rice at weddings can be traced back to ancient traditions in both the East and the West. In many parts of the world, rice was seen as a sacred food, essential to survival and prosperity. In Roman times, the act of throwing grains at the couple was thought to ensure fertility and abundance. Over time, this practice spread and became associated with good luck and blessings for the newlyweds.
In some cultures, the rice also represents the couple's future "sowing" of seeds, both in terms of raising a family and building a life together. The grains falling gently on them symbolize the seeds of their future, ready to grow into something beautiful and lasting.
Alternative: Try bubbles, flower petals, or eco-friendly confetti made from dried leaves or flowers to shower the couple with love and good vibes.
10. Something Blue
The color blue has historically symbolized fidelity and purity, often linked to the Virgin Mary in early Christianity.
The custom of "Something Blue" dates back to ancient Rome, where brides would wear blue as a symbol of love, fidelity, and fertility. In Roman weddings, blue was considered a color of protection, ensuring a successful and harmonious union. Over the centuries, the tradition evolved, and by the Victorian era, it became one of the "four somethings" commonly worn by brides in English-speaking cultures.
“Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue and a sixpence in your shoe.”
The "Something Blue" tradition has stood the test of time for its deep symbolism and timeless appeal. For many brides, it's an opportunity to add a personal touch to their attire while adhering to a beloved wedding tradition. Whether it’s a hidden detail or something more visible, "Something Blue" can be a fun and meaningful way to carry the tradition forward while making the moment feel uniquely yours.
In Portugal, especially in regions like Lisbon and the Algarve, brides often use "Something Blue" to complement their wedding attire, whether they’re opting for classic or modern styles. Blue details—whether subtle or bold—serve as a perfect accent to a variety of wedding gowns, from traditional lace to contemporary minimalist designs.
Alternative: Incorporate blue in creative ways—like your shoes, jewelry, or even your vows—to keep the sentiment while making it uniquely yours.
11. Honeymoon
This tradition dates back to the 5th century when couples would drink mead (made from honey) during the first lunar month of marriage which was believed to promote fertility and happiness. This early version of the honeymoon was a way to mark the union and the start of the couple's married life.
The modern honeymoon as we know it, however, began in the 19th century in Europe, particularly among British aristocracy. It was a time when couples would travel to exotic or remote locations to spend time together away from family and friends. Over time, the honeymoon grew to symbolize a special trip meant to celebrate the couple's new life, relaxation, and intimacy.
For couples who value a romantic approach to their wedding day and life together, the honeymoon is the perfect continuation of their commitment to one another. It’s about creating lasting memories, not just from the wedding day but from the very first moments of married life.
Alternative: Instead of a traditional honeymoon, consider a staycation, a mini-moon (a shorter getaway), or an adventure-focused trip that reflects your interests.
12. Bridal Bouquet
Early bouquets were made from herbs and garlic, believed to ward off evil spirits. Today, flowers are chosen for their beauty and symbolism.
In ancient Rome, brides would carry a bouquet made of herbs and spices, such as garlic and dill, which were believed to ward off evil spirits and ensure fertility. In the Victorian era, the bouquet evolved to include more decorative flowers, with each bloom carrying specific meanings. For example, roses symbolized love, lilies represented purity, and orange blossoms were associated with fertility and marriage. However in medieval times, the bouquet also had a practical purpose—to mask unpleasant odors! With hygiene practices not as advanced as today, many brides carried bouquets of fragrant herbs and flowers like lavender, rosemary, and myrtle to help mask body odor on their big day. These bouquets served a dual purpose: not only did they keep the air fresh, but they were also believed to have protective and good fortune properties, ensuring the bride would have a happy and healthy life ahead.
Today, the bridal bouquet serves multiple purposes: as a visual focal point in wedding photos, as a symbol of love and purity, and sometimes even as part of the "bouquet toss" tradition. Whatever the reason, the bouquet remains one of the most cherished wedding traditions.
Untraditional alternatives: Choose a non-traditional bouquet made of fabric flowers, Lego, paper flower, or even a meaningful heirloom piece, or go completely bouquet-free!
13. Ring Bearer
This role evolved from Victorian pageboys carrying rings on pillows, once a luxury item that showcased wealth.
The ring bearer tradition has its roots in medieval Europe, where the rings were often kept by the best man or another trusted person. However, it wasn’t always a child who played the part. In fact, the ring bearer wasn’t always a designated role until the 19th century. The tradition evolved from the use of a ceremonial bearer (usually an adult) who would carry the rings during the wedding procession.
The specific role of a young child carrying the rings started to become common in the Victorian era, when the concept of children playing a more central part in weddings became popular. It became seen as a symbol of the couple's hope for the future and the innocence of the new life they were beginning together.
In the past, the rings were sometimes carried on a pillowed cushion, often embroidered with initials or a wedding date. Today, the rings may still be presented this way, but some couples opt for more personalized or creative alternatives like small wooden boxes or glass containers, adding a touch of their own style.
Alternative: Let a beloved pet or a close friend carry the rings, or use a unique item like a decorative box or a small keepsake to present the rings.
14. Gift Registry
The first wedding registry started in 1924 at a Chicago store, allowing couples to choose their china and gifts.
The idea was simple: couples could register for specific items they desired, and guests could go to the store to choose from a list. This ensured that the couple would receive gifts that were both practical and thoughtful, and it also allowed guests to avoid the awkwardness of choosing something the couple might not like.
Today, with online shopping and digital tools, gift registries are more convenient than ever, but they still carry the same symbolic meaning. It’s about helping the couple start their new life together, providing them with essentials for their home, or offering experiences that they can enjoy as a newlywed couple.
Some couples started considering a “honeymoon fund” or a charity registry, where guests can contribute to experiences or causes meaningful to you instead of traditional gifts.